everything is packed up. ryan's gone. time flies, i guess.
i still remember my very first night in kutztown like it was yesterday. and i remember my first night here in dude house even better.
you know when a plane is going down and they jettison a bunch of stuff to make it lighter? yeah...im the stuff they jettison.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
my room is no longer my room.
i made the mistake of taking my posters down first. now my room looks horribly empty. it's also depressingly similar to my first night here, when all my stuff was just in boxes and had yet to be unpacked.
yup. life goes on. ryan goes to michelle's, brad goes to his place in reading, and i go to easton. again.
i told ryan tonight my ideal place to live is as far from here as possible. not out of any lame 'fuck this place' attitude, but more so because i dont want to be reminded of anything.
yup. life goes on. ryan goes to michelle's, brad goes to his place in reading, and i go to easton. again.
i told ryan tonight my ideal place to live is as far from here as possible. not out of any lame 'fuck this place' attitude, but more so because i dont want to be reminded of anything.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
done.
today was my last day of summer classes. i am officially done with kutztown university.
i also realized yesterday i don't really like the movie 'juno'. i think ellen page's acting is abrasive at best, i want to punch whoever made the soundtrack, and michael cera reminds me of all those douchebags who think if they act sensitive girls will like them.
when i'm back in easton, before i go to california in july, i'll be living with my grandfather in southside. he's a good dude and i'm way stoked on it.
i want to go out west and put five bucks worth of morrissey songs on a jukebox in some major city, and then look around to see if any pretty girls are singing along.
i also realized yesterday i don't really like the movie 'juno'. i think ellen page's acting is abrasive at best, i want to punch whoever made the soundtrack, and michael cera reminds me of all those douchebags who think if they act sensitive girls will like them.
when i'm back in easton, before i go to california in july, i'll be living with my grandfather in southside. he's a good dude and i'm way stoked on it.
i want to go out west and put five bucks worth of morrissey songs on a jukebox in some major city, and then look around to see if any pretty girls are singing along.
Monday, June 23, 2008
swan song
so in less than a week, we move out of dude house. the dream is over. i was looking through some old pictures today, and i found a picture chrissy took of brad, ryan, and myself the day we moved in last year. i remember the moment it was taken, and i remember the day we moved in. it was such an awesome feeling: we had a whole year ahead of us. a whole year of adventures, of fun, of just good times. i myself had the rest of the summer ahead of me before i started school again. i had something to look forward to later in the week, and in a few weeks 'transformers' came out. it was just an awesome feeling. brad and i were living in a real apartment, a nice apartment, not some former party house that was falling apart. there was a clean slate. we didn't have to look back at a time when things were better like we were doing for so much of the year before. we had a whole year to do whatever we wanted. and it was awesome. our housewarming party was a blast. that summer was a blast. even when class started, when i once again had responsibility, it was still awesome. and now its all over. in a month and a half or so, im gonna be living in reading with brad, but it wont be the same. i dunno.
kutztown is done. looking back on it all, i'd like to say that i got something out of it other than a degree, but i don't feel any wiser. maybe a little more jaded on certain issues, and a little more intolerant on some things, but have i really gained anything? it all feels like i could've done it differently and better. not so much academic wise. i got mostly B's, and it sucks to say but im happy with that. i only really came to college just to do something different. it just feels like overall, i couldve done better. i dunno. i dont really believe that college is the best time of your life, because if you really want you can feel that way all of the time. not so much happy, but just the great feeling. its not restricted to college, i dont think. i dunno. i just wish i could go back, and maybe at certain times said something when in reality i said nothing.
anyway, this is stupid, and i feel stupid, but i'm not gonna delete it.
kutztown is done. looking back on it all, i'd like to say that i got something out of it other than a degree, but i don't feel any wiser. maybe a little more jaded on certain issues, and a little more intolerant on some things, but have i really gained anything? it all feels like i could've done it differently and better. not so much academic wise. i got mostly B's, and it sucks to say but im happy with that. i only really came to college just to do something different. it just feels like overall, i couldve done better. i dunno. i dont really believe that college is the best time of your life, because if you really want you can feel that way all of the time. not so much happy, but just the great feeling. its not restricted to college, i dont think. i dunno. i just wish i could go back, and maybe at certain times said something when in reality i said nothing.
anyway, this is stupid, and i feel stupid, but i'm not gonna delete it.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
and do i gain?
a year ago at this time, i was hanging out with a bunch of crazy australian bicyclists. today, i'm hanging out with bradical and michele brazee. later i'm making cookies and lasagna.
however, i don't have a year of living with brad and ryan ahead of me.
i suspect i break even.
however, i don't have a year of living with brad and ryan ahead of me.
i suspect i break even.
Friday, June 20, 2008
yah yah yah yah yah
me and brad saw jenna haze dance last night at erv's. i made it rain, and got a free poster. which she signed as follows: 'justin-cum inside my slutty as. love, jenna.'
classy.
brad and i got a picture with her. it was awesome.
she's so nice and tiny. it makes me almost miss a certain someone.
i didn't go to rhode island tonight because i woke up feeling like shit. i might hang out with jay tonight. if we do hang out, i'm gonna make him dinner. go lore.
tomorrow, brad, myself, klint, and one of the dudes from reign supreme are going back to ervs. rain shall be made again.
classy.
brad and i got a picture with her. it was awesome.
she's so nice and tiny. it makes me almost miss a certain someone.
i didn't go to rhode island tonight because i woke up feeling like shit. i might hang out with jay tonight. if we do hang out, i'm gonna make him dinner. go lore.
tomorrow, brad, myself, klint, and one of the dudes from reign supreme are going back to ervs. rain shall be made again.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
one night to be confused
today, i had two really weird dreams. the first involved me hunting alligators and crocodiles from a suspended platform above a swamp/pond with my dad. at one point, a tiger went to drink from the pond, and a crocodile tried to eat him. i shot the crocodile.
then, the dream switched to a really tall boat on the ocean. by really tall, i mean a deck covered in thinly spaced boards revealing the ocean like, thirty feet below it. i had a double barrel shotgun and was ready to kick some ass if the boat sank.
THEN, i had a dream there was a movie debut at my high school in the auditorium, and i was there with my family and all of my friends from high school. i noticed whitney's dad sitting behind me, and i whispered to my sister that he was there. she said 'duh.' then i walked up a few rows to tell one of my friends (matt markle?) that art knowles was behind me. he said 'yeah dude, i know.' THEN, i noticed whitney herself sitting next to me, talking a bunch of shit like she used to. then i noticed she was wearing a smiths shirt and was basically into everything that i was. i woke up feeling terrified.
i guess i can't even say 'at least we're still friends' anymore. oh well. whatever you think is best.
then, the dream switched to a really tall boat on the ocean. by really tall, i mean a deck covered in thinly spaced boards revealing the ocean like, thirty feet below it. i had a double barrel shotgun and was ready to kick some ass if the boat sank.
THEN, i had a dream there was a movie debut at my high school in the auditorium, and i was there with my family and all of my friends from high school. i noticed whitney's dad sitting behind me, and i whispered to my sister that he was there. she said 'duh.' then i walked up a few rows to tell one of my friends (matt markle?) that art knowles was behind me. he said 'yeah dude, i know.' THEN, i noticed whitney herself sitting next to me, talking a bunch of shit like she used to. then i noticed she was wearing a smiths shirt and was basically into everything that i was. i woke up feeling terrified.
i guess i can't even say 'at least we're still friends' anymore. oh well. whatever you think is best.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
ruined
it's ruined.
there have been times in my life when i've been more frustrated than right now. but not many.
i wonder if i'm a)actually saying what i think i'm saying, b) if other people understand what i'm saying, c) if other people are on the same plane of comprehension that i am, or d) if maybe i'm dreaming everything that i think i'm doing.
i give up.
there have been times in my life when i've been more frustrated than right now. but not many.
i wonder if i'm a)actually saying what i think i'm saying, b) if other people understand what i'm saying, c) if other people are on the same plane of comprehension that i am, or d) if maybe i'm dreaming everything that i think i'm doing.
i give up.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
secrets
a few days ago, i did something quite uncharacteristic of me. without any sort of forewarning or buildup, completely unlike what was going on in my life around this time last, i dove into something that i should've, at best, gently tip toed around. i am now reaping the whirlwind of my actions and have my arms full of consequences. i let my loneliness take the reins and pushed rationality and morality aside for a few minutes of reassurance that a) i wasn't really alone and b) i still "had it", even though now i sort of wish i never had it. i immediately regretted my decision, not out of disgust for the other individual involved, or any sense of shame for what i had done, but out of concern for the other person. i realized i didn't know what they wanted. so it ended. perhaps too soon. who knows. but now, things are awry. despite our reassurances to one another that things wouldn't get weird, i'm fairly certain that they have. and this kind of sucks.
i suppose i deserve whatever happens to me. after all, blatant disregard for the well being of another human being is somewhat of a dick thing to do. Self preservation is by no means a bad thing, but when a small sense of reassurance comes at the potential cost of the dignity and feelings of another person, then sometimes we have to bite the bullet and remain unreassured and uncertain of ourselves. unfortunately, i chose not to do the right thing. even though i'm not certain any feelings were hurt, i am nonetheless weirded out by the fact that i would give into such disregard for someone else.
then there's a whoooole nother side to the story. good lord.
i suppose i deserve whatever happens to me. after all, blatant disregard for the well being of another human being is somewhat of a dick thing to do. Self preservation is by no means a bad thing, but when a small sense of reassurance comes at the potential cost of the dignity and feelings of another person, then sometimes we have to bite the bullet and remain unreassured and uncertain of ourselves. unfortunately, i chose not to do the right thing. even though i'm not certain any feelings were hurt, i am nonetheless weirded out by the fact that i would give into such disregard for someone else.
then there's a whoooole nother side to the story. good lord.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
my movies
note:remakes, if the original is not owned, will be indicated. otherwise, it is the original.
28 days later
28 weeks later
30 days of night
300
the 40 year old virgin
ali
alien
aliens
alien 3
alien: ressurection
alien vs. predator
aliens vs. predator
altered
altered states
amelie
American history X
American psycho
the Amityville horror
An American werewolf in London
Anthropophagus
Army of darkness
Audition
Back to the future
Back to the future II
Back to the future III
Batman
Batman begins
Black Demons
Blade
Blade II
Blade III
the blob (remake)
Bonnie and clyde
Bottle rocket
the bunker
the calamari wrestler
Candyman
Captain kronos: vampire hunter
Carnosaur
Castle freak
Cat’s eye
Cemetery man
Closer
Children of men
Christine
the church
Cindarella man
City of the living dead
Close encounters of the third kind
Closer
Cloverfield
the creature from the black lagoon
the creature walks amongst us
the crow
the Darjeeling limited
Darkman
Darkman II
Darkman III
Dawn of the dead
Dawn of the dead
Day of the dead
the day the earth stood still
Dead alive
Dead birds
Death machine
Death of a president
Deep red
the deer hunter
Deliverance
Demons
Demons II
Demons III: The Ogre
the descent
Destroy all monsters
Diary of the dead
Die hard
Die hard 2
Die hard with a vengeance
Dog soldiers
Don’t look now
Dracula
Dracula
Dracula’s daughter
Dracula: the satanic rites
Dragon wars
Dune
Eyternal sunshine…
Event horizon
Evil dead
Evil dead II
the exorcism of Emily rose
the exorcist
the fly (remake)
the fly II
the fog
the forgotten
Frankenstein
Frankenstein meets the wolf man
Freaks
the frighteners
Fright night
From beyond
From dusk til dawn
the gate
Ghidorah the three headed monster
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters II
Ghost dog
the girl next door
the godfather
Godzilla: king of the monsters
Godzilla
Godzilla 2000
Godzilla: final wars
Godzilla against mechagodzilla
Godzilla and mothra: giant monsters all out attack
Godzilla raids again
Godzilla’s revenge
Godzilla: tokoy SOS
Godzilla vs. gigan
Godzilla vs. hedorah
Godzilla vs. king ghidorah
Godzilla and mothra: the battle for earth
Godzilla vs. megaruirus
Godzilla vs. space Godzilla
Godzilla vs. Destaroyah
Goodfellas
the gravedancers
Gremlins
Gremlins II
the guyver
Halloween
Harold and kumar go to white castle
Hellboy
Hell Of the Living Dead
Hellraiser
Hellraiser II
Hideaway
High fidelity
High tension
the hills have eyes
Hot fuzz
the hours
House of dracula
the house on haunted hill
the house on haunted hill (remake)
the howling
Hulk
the hunt
I am legend
Ichi the killer
Independence day
Indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark
Indiana jones and the temple of doom
Indiana jones and the last crusade
Inferno
In the mouth of madness
Invasion
Invasion of the body snatchers
Invasion of the body snatchers
I, robot
It came from outer space
Jacob’s ladder
Jaws
Jurassic park
Jurassic park II
Jurassic park III
Kill bill
Kill bill vol. 2
Killer klowns from outer space
King kong (jackson's version)
Knocked up
Land of the dead
the last man on earth
the last samurai
the legend of hell house
Nosferatu
Let sleeping corpses lie
the life aquatic
Lifeforce
Little miss sunshine
Living hell
Lord of the rings I
Lord of the rings II
Lord of the rings III
the lost boys
Love actually
the messengers
Midnight express
the mist
the monster squad
Mortuary
the mothman prophecies
Moulin rouge
Munich
Near dark
Nightbreed
Nightmare city
Night of the living dead
Night of the living dead
Nine months
No country for old men
Office space
Old school
the omen
the omen
the omen II
the omen III
the omega man
The Other Hell
the outsiders
Pan’s labyrinth
Penny dreadful
Pet semetary
Phantasm
Phantasm II
Phantasm III
Phantasm IV
the plague
Planet terror
Poltergeist
Predator
Predator II
Prince of darkness
Prophecy
Pulp fiction
Pulse
Pumpkinhead
the pursuit of happyness
Q: the winged serpent
Raging bull
Re-animator
Return of the living dead
Return of the living dead II
Return of the living dead III
the return of the vampire
Reservoir dogs
Revenge of the creature
Robocop
Robocop II
Robocop III
Rocky
Rocky II
Rocky III
Rocky IV
Rocky V
Rocky balboa
Rosemary’s baby
the royal tenenbaums
the rules of attraction
Rumblefish
Rushmore
Salem’s lot
Saving private ryan
Scanners
Shaun of the dead
the shawshank redemption
She wolf of london
The shining
Short circuit
Sideways
Signs
the simpsons movie
the sixth sense
Sleepwalkers
Soson of dracula
Spider
Spiderman
Spiderman II
Spiderman III
Stand by me
Star wars III
Star wars IV
Star wars V
Star wars VI
the stuff
Suicide kings
Superbad
Suspiria
the sweetest thing
Tales from the darkside
the taxi driver
Tears of kali
the terminal
the terminator
Terminator II
Terminator III
the terror of mechagodzilla
the texas chainsaw massacre
the texas chainsaw massacre
the texas chainsaw massacre II
the blair witch project
There will be blood
the thing
the thing
They came back
Transformers
Transformers
Tremors
Tremors II
Tremors III
Tremors IV
True romance
the twilight zone
Unbreakable
Undead
Unfaithful
Unleashed
Unrest
Uzumaki
Vampires
Versus
V for vendetta
the warriors
War of the worlds
War of the worlds
Watchers
Watchers II
Wedding crashers
Weekend at bernies
Weekend at bernies II
the werewolf of London
the wolf man
Zombi 2
28 days later
28 weeks later
30 days of night
300
the 40 year old virgin
ali
alien
aliens
alien 3
alien: ressurection
alien vs. predator
aliens vs. predator
altered
altered states
amelie
American history X
American psycho
the Amityville horror
An American werewolf in London
Anthropophagus
Army of darkness
Audition
Back to the future
Back to the future II
Back to the future III
Batman
Batman begins
Black Demons
Blade
Blade II
Blade III
the blob (remake)
Bonnie and clyde
Bottle rocket
the bunker
the calamari wrestler
Candyman
Captain kronos: vampire hunter
Carnosaur
Castle freak
Cat’s eye
Cemetery man
Closer
Children of men
Christine
the church
Cindarella man
City of the living dead
Close encounters of the third kind
Closer
Cloverfield
the creature from the black lagoon
the creature walks amongst us
the crow
the Darjeeling limited
Darkman
Darkman II
Darkman III
Dawn of the dead
Dawn of the dead
Day of the dead
the day the earth stood still
Dead alive
Dead birds
Death machine
Death of a president
Deep red
the deer hunter
Deliverance
Demons
Demons II
Demons III: The Ogre
the descent
Destroy all monsters
Diary of the dead
Die hard
Die hard 2
Die hard with a vengeance
Dog soldiers
Don’t look now
Dracula
Dracula
Dracula’s daughter
Dracula: the satanic rites
Dragon wars
Dune
Eyternal sunshine…
Event horizon
Evil dead
Evil dead II
the exorcism of Emily rose
the exorcist
the fly (remake)
the fly II
the fog
the forgotten
Frankenstein
Frankenstein meets the wolf man
Freaks
the frighteners
Fright night
From beyond
From dusk til dawn
the gate
Ghidorah the three headed monster
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters II
Ghost dog
the girl next door
the godfather
Godzilla: king of the monsters
Godzilla
Godzilla 2000
Godzilla: final wars
Godzilla against mechagodzilla
Godzilla and mothra: giant monsters all out attack
Godzilla raids again
Godzilla’s revenge
Godzilla: tokoy SOS
Godzilla vs. gigan
Godzilla vs. hedorah
Godzilla vs. king ghidorah
Godzilla and mothra: the battle for earth
Godzilla vs. megaruirus
Godzilla vs. space Godzilla
Godzilla vs. Destaroyah
Goodfellas
the gravedancers
Gremlins
Gremlins II
the guyver
Halloween
Harold and kumar go to white castle
Hellboy
Hell Of the Living Dead
Hellraiser
Hellraiser II
Hideaway
High fidelity
High tension
the hills have eyes
Hot fuzz
the hours
House of dracula
the house on haunted hill
the house on haunted hill (remake)
the howling
Hulk
the hunt
I am legend
Ichi the killer
Independence day
Indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark
Indiana jones and the temple of doom
Indiana jones and the last crusade
Inferno
In the mouth of madness
Invasion
Invasion of the body snatchers
Invasion of the body snatchers
I, robot
It came from outer space
Jacob’s ladder
Jaws
Jurassic park
Jurassic park II
Jurassic park III
Kill bill
Kill bill vol. 2
Killer klowns from outer space
King kong (jackson's version)
Knocked up
Land of the dead
the last man on earth
the last samurai
the legend of hell house
Nosferatu
Let sleeping corpses lie
the life aquatic
Lifeforce
Little miss sunshine
Living hell
Lord of the rings I
Lord of the rings II
Lord of the rings III
the lost boys
Love actually
the messengers
Midnight express
the mist
the monster squad
Mortuary
the mothman prophecies
Moulin rouge
Munich
Near dark
Nightbreed
Nightmare city
Night of the living dead
Night of the living dead
Nine months
No country for old men
Office space
Old school
the omen
the omen
the omen II
the omen III
the omega man
The Other Hell
the outsiders
Pan’s labyrinth
Penny dreadful
Pet semetary
Phantasm
Phantasm II
Phantasm III
Phantasm IV
the plague
Planet terror
Poltergeist
Predator
Predator II
Prince of darkness
Prophecy
Pulp fiction
Pulse
Pumpkinhead
the pursuit of happyness
Q: the winged serpent
Raging bull
Re-animator
Return of the living dead
Return of the living dead II
Return of the living dead III
the return of the vampire
Reservoir dogs
Revenge of the creature
Robocop
Robocop II
Robocop III
Rocky
Rocky II
Rocky III
Rocky IV
Rocky V
Rocky balboa
Rosemary’s baby
the royal tenenbaums
the rules of attraction
Rumblefish
Rushmore
Salem’s lot
Saving private ryan
Scanners
Shaun of the dead
the shawshank redemption
She wolf of london
The shining
Short circuit
Sideways
Signs
the simpsons movie
the sixth sense
Sleepwalkers
Soson of dracula
Spider
Spiderman
Spiderman II
Spiderman III
Stand by me
Star wars III
Star wars IV
Star wars V
Star wars VI
the stuff
Suicide kings
Superbad
Suspiria
the sweetest thing
Tales from the darkside
the taxi driver
Tears of kali
the terminal
the terminator
Terminator II
Terminator III
the terror of mechagodzilla
the texas chainsaw massacre
the texas chainsaw massacre
the texas chainsaw massacre II
the blair witch project
There will be blood
the thing
the thing
They came back
Transformers
Transformers
Tremors
Tremors II
Tremors III
Tremors IV
True romance
the twilight zone
Unbreakable
Undead
Unfaithful
Unleashed
Unrest
Uzumaki
Vampires
Versus
V for vendetta
the warriors
War of the worlds
War of the worlds
Watchers
Watchers II
Wedding crashers
Weekend at bernies
Weekend at bernies II
the werewolf of London
the wolf man
Zombi 2
Friday, June 6, 2008
unexpected phone calls
are nonetheless welcome. thanks jessy!
so today while waiting for my fitness class to start, i was sitting in the locker room, kinda stretching but mostly just waiting for my class to start, and i was thinking about something that happened to me around this time last year. i dont think it meant much to the other person involved, and truth be told im not entirely sure how much it actually meant to me, but i was just reflecting on that whole situation. this reflection, combined with a talk i had a few days ago with another friend, served to put me in a fairly sour mood about romantic love and all that jazz, even more so than i usually am. and tonight, i was supposed to hang out with someone, but they decided not to attend, and that only made me even more bitter. why, i dont know. i should, by now, realize that its all a waste of time, and that struggling to create an intimacy that fits what i believe to be appropriate will only serve to push me away from what would truly be good for me and what is actually more honest than my perceived 'perfect' relationship. that of course being a caring but casual relationship. maybe it makes me a scumbag to not want to be someone's boyfriend but to still somewhat enjoy the benefits of a relationship. i don't think it does. and honestly i'd only get fucked over anyway. so why put myself out there for someone who's only going to get tired of me in a few months anyway? fuck it. and fuck you as well.
so today while waiting for my fitness class to start, i was sitting in the locker room, kinda stretching but mostly just waiting for my class to start, and i was thinking about something that happened to me around this time last year. i dont think it meant much to the other person involved, and truth be told im not entirely sure how much it actually meant to me, but i was just reflecting on that whole situation. this reflection, combined with a talk i had a few days ago with another friend, served to put me in a fairly sour mood about romantic love and all that jazz, even more so than i usually am. and tonight, i was supposed to hang out with someone, but they decided not to attend, and that only made me even more bitter. why, i dont know. i should, by now, realize that its all a waste of time, and that struggling to create an intimacy that fits what i believe to be appropriate will only serve to push me away from what would truly be good for me and what is actually more honest than my perceived 'perfect' relationship. that of course being a caring but casual relationship. maybe it makes me a scumbag to not want to be someone's boyfriend but to still somewhat enjoy the benefits of a relationship. i don't think it does. and honestly i'd only get fucked over anyway. so why put myself out there for someone who's only going to get tired of me in a few months anyway? fuck it. and fuck you as well.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
i am angry i am ill i am ugly as sin
i dont know what keeps me alive and kicking.
so our lease got extended by two weeks. which means i'll have a home for the rest of summer classes.
i'm thinking about getting another bachelor's degree. just a thought.
i want to make some bad decisions.
lemon iced girl scout cookies are really fucking good.
i think im gonna take a nap.
carnival tonight.
the 'transformers 2' filming in bethlehem is a pile of shit. and i don't feel bad for 'blowing up your spot.'
grillin!
yup.
oh yeah. i got some new ink as well.
so our lease got extended by two weeks. which means i'll have a home for the rest of summer classes.
i'm thinking about getting another bachelor's degree. just a thought.
i want to make some bad decisions.
lemon iced girl scout cookies are really fucking good.
i think im gonna take a nap.
carnival tonight.
the 'transformers 2' filming in bethlehem is a pile of shit. and i don't feel bad for 'blowing up your spot.'
grillin!
yup.
oh yeah. i got some new ink as well.
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