today.

i woke up.
ate a huge breakfast.
failed. failed. failed.
was miserable.
hung out jay and brad.
had adventures.
saw crazy people.
got hugged.
came home.



in a few hours, i shall feast!!!

yup.

the show was awesome. the black atlantic ruled, geert's out of his mind, spanish prisoners reminded me of ted leo, the antlers were fucking rad, and kim has the voice of an angel. my friends are awesome.





back to easton. back to mediocrity. back to all the stupid bullshit that makes me want to just not wake up.

back to the old 'house'...

more like the old town, really.


i came back to kutztown for the weekend. im staying on my friend jackie/siobhan/kate/lindsey's couch on main street. good buds. tomorrow, the black atlantic are playing a basement in town, and it's going to be fucking sweet. geert=a great dude who i wish i saw a lot more.

i miss kutztown. a lot. i miss my friends here, what few are left. i miss the times we had together here (atari pun definitely intended). i miss aimlessly wandering the streets til late at night, the smell of the leaves, of the wet asphalt, of the salty streets in the winter, the bitter scent of alcohol and lust in the bars. i miss it all. i miss the last hoorah of youth that i had here. i want it back. i want the loves i had here. i want to wake up across the street from the brake pad factory to the smell of fumes from that factory. i want to watch the sunset from my backyard at the panda. i want john galm and evbreak to come down unannounced and then have adventures with them. i want to bed surf with brad until five in the morning and then go out of my mind with heartache. i want to watch monday night raw with chris. i want to set things on fire with jon van dine and have dance parties with craig and kelsey. i want to sneak out of ashley's bedroom at five in the morning so my friends dont find out about us, and eagerly await shannon coming back. i want to fall asleep with my arms around bethany. i want to watch movies and make dinner with the 225 girls. i want to have the people i love the most within walking distance, and i want the real world to be a hazy distant prospect. i want it all back. i dont want to live the rest of my life in some epilogue to the best of my life. i want the simple and close loves i had here, when it was easy to find someone to connect with.

i dont want to be awake anymore tonight, but i think that's inevitable.

Justin Lore Tour De Food 2009

remember a few days, maybe a week or so ago, i mentioned going places to eat food and write about it?




ive been doing research, and the options are growing beyond taco king...which is still an option.


eight vegan pizza options on the east coast between virginia and rhode island. i am stoked. a bunch more out west and on the west coast.




get into it.




in other news, youre the one for me, 'fatty'.


my life is a joke. i feel like macready and/or childs at the end of the thing.

these past two nights

have been really cool. just like old times, i guess, right down to the 'everything is falling apart' feeling of it all. the random encounters with friends, the absurdity of it all, the mild touch of drama...i love it. i wish there were more nights like that to remind me that there are still good things in the world and that good times can still be had.


jay frankett is an alright guy. im glad we hang out.




brock lesner is still a fucking douche.



the new repairman jack novel is really, really fucking good. i read the first chapter tonight at barnes and noble and, had jay and i not had to flee the scene, probably read at least half of it.











loneliness, and all of the shit associated with it, can fucking suck it. i want to kiss and be kissed, touch and be touched, and so on and so forth. im not some lame crybaby weiner (not much of one, anyone) who just wants to be in a relationship to feel validated; i just want someone to be with, and to hold, and stay warm with in these coming winter months. i want to fall asleep under thick blankets in a cold bedroom with my arms around someone, someone who's shoulder i can kiss in the time right before falling asleep, and lots of other stupid and weakminded shit that i loathe but at the same time miss terribly.



the girl in thunderheist's 'jerk it' video is achingly adorable. criminally adorable.wackily adorable.



fuck. this is probably the fourth time in as many nights that i've found myself awake at this time. i simply cant fall asleep or stay asleep.


thanksgiving soon. food!


i'll be in kutztown this weekend for the black atlantic show, and im probably going to crash on the couch of the house of some wonderful friends. get at me if you want to hang out. go to see the black atlantic.

thats pretty much it.

sleepless.

"time to grow up, she says.



people are crazy, and i have a headache."


now i'm sort of sick.

possibly because i didn't sleep last night.

but i did watch 'aliens vs. predator:requiem', 'spiderman', and 'the warriors'.

goddamnit.


there's a new show debuting on the travel channel soon called 'man vs. food'. basically, some guy travels around america and gorges himself at various eateries with weird food challenges, like three pound burgers, three foot wide pizzas, two foot long meatball sandwiches, etc.

now, i'm into this because i enjoy any show involving a) traveling and b) eating. case in point, 'bizarre foods with andrew zimmern' and 'anthony bourdain: no reservations'. what gets me the most about this show is this: if that food were vegan, i could do that. i love to eat, and the bigger, the better.


so why shouldn't i have a show that involves me eating huge and unnecessary amounts of food for the amusement of others? what makes this guy better than me?


that being said, i'm officially announcing my intent to travel up and down the east coast, sampling the various vegan eateries and then writing about them on some sort of blog. i'm assuming brad and/or evan would accompany me on such journies of excess. stay tuned for more details.

i'm the end of the family line.

OR variations upon a theme.

my pap is really sick. i woke up early this morning to the sound of him wretching in the bathroom, and i've been hovering over him like a mother bird the whole day.

this book has got me really down. it's like taking a magnifying glass to the shitty and sad wreckage that is the end result of every dealing i've ever had with a woman.

i can't wait to start working at bankers. i really cant.

cast aside

had another dream about monsters last night. this time, i was holed up in cheston school with my dad and some other people. conveniently, cheston happened to have a grocery store and a gunshop inside, so we were pretty well set.



bummer. really.

five fifteen.

i awoke from a dream in which there was an apocalypse. somehow things went wrong. this area was running amok with velociraptors and bugs that turned people into zombies. for some reason, i was working at a hospital. i fought velociraptors at my grandfathers with gardening tools. then, the rest of my hospital shift fled to the turkey hill, where we were attacked by bug zombies. then it switched to me and my sister running. we stopped at an abandoned gas station and stocked up on food before fleeing again. and now i'm wide awake and terrified.

all this talk

should i listen to rick ta life and heed his words?


"unfinished business"? that's putting it lightly.

yeah. yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.




i'd stop the world and melt with you. i don't know if it's getting better all the time.


hopefully it is.


i've been listening to the acoustic versions of the cure's greatest hits a lot lately. once i sang a song by the cure to a girl i "was" in love with. that night, both of us stayed warm.

but now...


"I know that in the morning I will wake up
in the shivering cold."

ah robert smith. he may hate morrissey, but i still like him.


she enjoys when i sing to her. "which means she must be insane."


oh hey five in the morning. good to see you again.

five in the morning? really?

read it and weep, fuckers.


i updated my other blog earlier tonight with a rough version of my semi-infamous cardigans story. you can find it in my profile.




sleep is for bitches.

america....

you finally have something to say to the moz.












i am starting to really, really wish i had someone to do stuff with.

a weight off my shoulders

thank you God.


im still registered in berks county...which means no voting for me tomorrow. fuck.

i made soup today from scratch. it wasn't awful.






my paps not around often. that kind of sucks.

past few days.

the phillies won the series, so for the past couple days news coverage has been of the absurd parade the city had for them. i don't fucking care how long it's been since your city has had a championship. dont act like fucking assholes all the time. fuck.

bad blood was brought to an end tonight, and honestly it's a relief to not have that on my conscience anymore. so yeah...thanks for that.

i...really dont know what to think about some things anymore. like...i get it. but seriously...sometimes it's just fucking stupid.

i want to write another book about horror movies. i'm sure people dont think i can do it. but they can go fuck themselves.


not really much is happening.


i sort of want a girlfriend. sort of, but not really. mostly, i kinda just dont want to be alone anymore. but whats new i guess. toocher.