my peppers.

the hail only destroyed one plant. the remaining plant struggles on. eat shit, hailstorm!!!

likes and dislikes.

dislikes:

people who bring their fucking children to movies.
said children who cough loudly, talk, whine, and generally make noise throughout the movie.

likes:

terminator salvation.
my friends.
eating.
being vegan.
sleeping in tomorrow.
grilling tomorrow.
glasvegas.
crushes.
epic mixes.

there's no fate but what we make.

this summer started off with a bang. the new terminator movie is fucking rad as hell. fuck the haters, it was awesome.

i was never your boyfriend.

and it's a shame i never told you about the diamonds in your eyes.







tonight was one of the best/worst nights in recent memory. i had a lot of fun. i miss you. a lot. more than i ever realized. and i don't think i'll be happy until i get some kind of closure. tonight, there was a connection.




at least i'm seeing shai hulud later tomorrow. ill just mosh away these negative feelings.

the view from here...is a brick wall.

some people define themselves by relationships. they don't feel validated as human beings unless they're in a relationship with another one. they don't feel whole unless they're "in love". they feel that they're role in life is that of a half. and whatever. if that's how they want to live, that's okay i guess.

i define myself by life accomplishments. or, until recently, i thought i did. i have never been truly happy in life, with anything really, save for a few preciously rare times when my mind was unburdened by worry. ive always kept going by focusing on some goal in the future. for a while, it was turning 18. i thought that, upon reaching that semi-magical age, i would come to realize some things that had, until that moment, eluded me. then it was graduating high school. then it was starting college. then it was losing my virginity. then it was moving out of easton. then it was graduating college. each time i reached what i thought was the top and thought that my goal was finally within reach, lo and behold, all that was within reach was yet another challenge for me. i've accepted this with the calm and patient belief that one day, there will be no more challenges and i will find what i am looking for. i mean, i have to, right? purpose cannot be elusive forever, can it?

i think it can.

upon graduating college, i wanted a real job. by 'real' i meant more than some shitty part time job at a grocery store or barnes and noble. i knew that upon beginning work, i would feel validated as a person. by jumping headfirst into the 9 to 5, i would gain what was lost. this desire consumed me.

recently, i found a job. a real job. an office job that i have to dress up for and get a cubicle and all of that. its not the best job, true, but itll due for now.

but im still waiting. for what, im not sure. the hammer to drop? happiness to fall into my lap? im not sure. all i know FOR sure is that i am still not happy. not in the least. i still go to bed worried sick about the future, wondering if what ive done with my life is the correct thing, wondering if ill ever be happy, wondering if ill ever find a girl again. its stupid, i know, and yet it preys upon me constantly.i feel like homer simpson seeing the murderhorn for the first time. "yeah thats it...right over there."


sigh. is it july 22nd yet? or me and chuck and bradical eating huge sandwiches before driving across the country?

the temperature's rising.

youve been on my mind a lot lately. maybe its the warm weather thats doing it. either way, i kind of miss you, and how things ended kind of makes me sad.

excitment.

i am excited for this summer. for the movies, the adventures, and other things.

im not excited about much else.

i want to write a novel.