yup.

so converge was amazing the other night. it was a little weird hearing 'the saddest day' third on their setlist, but whatevs. we went to kingdom afterwards with mandy and chris, and mcardle and i split an all you can eat dim sum platter. one of the better decisions in my life. then we talked to the owners five year old son on the virtues of doing as optimus prime would do and foregoing what megatron would do. truly, a noble way to live.

i understand that as we get older, bonds we take as unbreakable are revealed to be the fragile and shaky things they really are. its part of growing up, i guess. but that said, whenever the nature of friendship is truly revealed, it still saddens me. i love the few i consider my close friends. there aren't many, but i really do love them. no matter what. this includes you. and the last thing i want them to think is that i think that they, at the end of the day, are bad people. if i am overly critical of their actions (which i am well aware that i am sometimes) it is only because i worry about the path that such actions may lead them down.

i know im not a great person, and that there are situations in life in which i could have made better decisions, but i dont think im a bad person, and i dont want to be made to feel that way. because it feels like im being held accountable for truths that arent really truths but misconceptions that others hold about me. its like im being held up to a standard that exists only in the minds of others, like the real justin lore is being put on trial for the actions of inourheads justin lore. its an intensely frustrating feeling, but its one that seems to happen time and time again, and i should probably just learn to live with.

or maybe i actually am an asshole and dont realize it.


oh yeah one more thing...i guess you could say today is the anniversary of an (un)interesting event.